The Last White Man in Panama

Greg Turko is a policy analyst at the Ontario Ministry of Colleges and
Universities.

This book is on the must-read list for at least three specific audiences — those who find criminals with hearts of gold irresistible, those who study macho dialogue in depth, and those who are serious students of coincidence. This is an odd constituency, but then, this is an odd book.

The story begins with Red and his working girl friend Azucar going to a Panama City casino. Red strikes it rich in the casino while Azucar “strikes out” forever with two ill-advised tricks. The rest of the book is devoted to finding out who did it, why they did it, and doing unto them as they did (and more) to Azucar. Coincidence plays a big, some might say mammoth, part in what happens. We find out who Jack is and who Red really is. We also find out that Karen’s intemperate remarks in the Channel 5 studios in Boston will lead to, as they used to say in children’s books, an adventure and several “scrapes.”

This book is very long on hardboiled cliches, including a former whorehouse piano player, a fat man, a hero who is tough but still very much in touch with Gentleman’s Quarterly (he would say GQ) sensibilities, and a crazy-like-a-fox survivalist who sings Freddy Fender songs to the lizards in a hotel attic. For those who require Canadian content there is a Newfoundlander called Pegleg who sacrifices his wooden leg in order to assist in the commission of what is probably a felony (depending on Bermuda law). The cliche quota is decisively filled when the hero and heroine go to the Blue Goose Bar where the background music includes “As Time Goes By.”

Still, this book is, without doubt, a worthwhile fun read. There is something very satisfying about seeing people who really deserve it, and even some who might just sometimes deserve it, get theirs in imaginative and gruesome ways. Of course, there is also suspense, partly as a result of the construction of the plot and partly as a result of wondering whether the author will realize that he has gone over the brink into all-out parody.