Breaking Out: The Complete Guide to Building and Enhancing a Positive Gay Identity for Men and Women

John Stanley Senior Policy Advisor Corporate Policy Branch Management
Board Secretariat.

This self-help book is a tool for gays and lesbians who are having
difficulty coming out and accepting themselves and their new community.
The author, who is himself gay, is a professor of counseling psychology
at the University of Calgary. Although he was married to a woman, he
came out in middle age and this book is informed by his own experiences.

In 17 chapters, Alderson walks the user through the stages of
acceptance, as he understands them. Each chapter is subdivided into
three sections. The opening section presents the issue through an
anecdotal discussion of a character’s predicament, discusses the
problem, then asks “what needs to change?” The second section,
“Where I’m at now,” begins with “Changing your thoughts—with a
‘beliefs chart’ and visualisation exercises,” and follows with
“Changing your behaviour—with ‘general activities’ and
‘specific activities.’” The concluding section focuses on
“Changing the way you feel about it.” Each chapter ends with a
summary. Exercises and prompts ease the user into the process of change;
the commentary provided is sensitive but never lacking in common sense.

The problems Alderson addresses are common as gays and lesbians come to
grip with a new world of feelings and customs, although such issues are
not foreign to the straight world. Themes include shame, learning to
like oneself, accepting one’s sexual feelings, being comfortable with
one’s own beliefs and values, battling stereotypes, becoming
assertive, and coming to terms with spirituality and religious beliefs.

The book is ostensibly aimed at those considering therapy, so it’s a
much cheaper alternative; but it clearly would require much motivation
to work one’s way through the guide, exercise by exercise.
Furthermore, it hard to believe that a high-school student coming out
would be comfortable in using the work, despite its sympathetic tone:
the language is just too elevated. Finally, the book privileges therapy
(“if you are gay, you need to find a therapist who is gay or
gay-positive”), yet most gay people have managed their way through
life without the benefit of therapy. Nevertheless, the approach
presented will benefit those struggling with the issues raised, because
it provides a framework for gays and lesbians learning to be comfortable
with themselves.