The Dog Rules (Damn Near Everything!)

Steve Pitt is a Toronto-based freelance writer and an award-winning journalist. He has written many young adult and children's books, including Day of the Flying Fox: The True Story of World War II Pilot Charley Fox.

“Fifteen years ago, if Dionne Warwick had told me I’d spend the
first 15 minutes of every day standing in a field watching a dog have a
bowel movement, I’d have canceled my subscription to the Psychic
Friends Network ... and there I stand like some kind of perverse
cheerleader: ‘Oh, that’s a good boy. C’mon Jake, you can do it!
Jake is gonna feel a lot better! That’s it! Oh, good boy! Jake is such
a good boy!’” If you read Thomas’s first book, Malcolm and Me:
Life in the Litterbox (1993), you might be forgiven for laboring under
the delusion that Thomas was an incorrigible cat aficionado. Alas, after
18 happy years Malcolm passed away and Thomas was talked into taking on
a canine companion to fill the void in his life. The resulting Dog Rules
could be described as “boy meets cur,” a blow-by-blow account of how
Thomas and his borderline border collie, Jake, learn to live as one
under the same roof.

By Thomas’s own admission, it was a bumpy honeymoon. The text is
organized into chapters with titles like “Great
Expectations—Dashed!,” “Singing the Dog Catcher’s Blues,” and
“Walking the Dog—the Great Two Way Tinkle Tour.” The volume takes
its title from numerous sets of “Dog Rules” by Thomas. Each is a
list of 10 ordinances that are set down with Old Testament-like
authority. From number one to ten in each set, however, the rules show a
steady shift in power from man to beast. Fortunately, Thomas’s main
rule seems to be that if you can’t be the top dog, you can be the most
humorous. This book is one of the funniest pet chronicles to come along
in a long time. If reading it isn’t enough, the book comes with a Milk
Bone biscuit and a brown paper bag perfect for poop ’n’ scooping.