The Dread Crew: Pirates of the Backwoods

David McRae is a teacher-librarian and a member of the Orangeville Writers'Group. He has published book reviews for National Book Services and the Peel District School Board and is the author of Blood of the Donnellys, a young adult historical novel.

An earthquake rumble thunders through Sponagle Hollow. Vast swaths of broken forest and ransacked villages dot the landscape. Eric, the Tracker, discovers a wooden wheel with a pirate’s skull and crossbones, and a book: THE INTERNATIONAL TREASURE HUNTERS AND USEFUL GOODS SALVAGERS SOCIETY ANNUAL DIRECTORY AND ANTI RULES. The Dread Crew, brothers of THUGSS Union Local 262, giants with faces “full of blisters and boils; matted tangled hair dripping with grease and guck,” have arrived.

The first to confront the Dread Crew is Grandpa Joe — adventurer, inventor, fixer, tinker with his own unique storehouse of salvage. Behind in their junk deliveries to union headquarters, the Crew is on a salvaging rampage. Joe (the Jackal), becomes an honorary brother of 262, and begins his task of taming the Dread Crew with his personal philosophy, “You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” First, he modifies the Barrow to a low purr of a quieter, faster salvaging machine that does not smash its way through Lunenburg county. Next, he persuades the Crew to turn their 46th Annual Summer Hotdog Shindig into the 1st Annual Junk ’N Joy Fair, where all come dressed in pirate costumes to trade their junk. It is a huge success until the wail of sirens echo over the farm.

The THUGSS Chief assigns the Crew, charged for non-payment of salvage, two years of housetoil at union headquarters and confiscates the Barrow. But it is nowhere to be found. Joe, Eric, and Missy hide the Barrow on Joe’s farm to rescue the Crew from their prison.

The Crew’s new citizen friends remit junk on their behalf, and their THUGSS membership is restored. The new Rejiggers and Adventurers Extraordinaire now become the most successful salvage team in decades.

This is a delightful tale for all hooligans, inventors, adventurers, tinkers, and those of limitless imagination. Answering Eric the Tracker’s call of unbounded curiosity as he investigates the junk-hunting Dread Crew is unavoidable. The urge to grab a frayed rope dangling from the Barrow and go along for the ride like Missy (Miss Bullseye), an orphan adopted by the Crew, is inviting. A dash through the blackberry ooze shot from the Gooperator’s barrel during the Junk ’N Joy Fair is irresistible. Managing the controls on the new Barrow during a salvaging run would be invigorating. And lastly, to join the new brothers of THUGSS Local 262 would be an honour.