The Stranger Who Bore Me: Adoptee-Birth Mother Relationships

Patricia Fenton is chair of the Adoption Council of Ontario.

This scholarly study of adoption reunions and their outcomes focuses on
the experiences of 60 adult adoptees who have been reunited with their
birth mothers. The author, whose analysis combines sociological and
anthropological perspectives, illustrates the difficulties created by
traditional adoption practices based on secrecy and argues for policies
that will facilitate access to adoption records. Her research clearly
dispels the belief that an adoptee’s quest for reunion stems from
dissatisfaction with his or her adoptive family; instead, it presents
evidence of adoptees’ need to normalize themselves and neutralize the
social stigma attached to adoption. As the book’s title suggests, the
mere fact of biological connection does not automatically translate into
a mutually satisfying relationship. For adoptees, meeting a birth mother
is in many ways like meeting a stranger; any relationship that develops
must be built from scratch.