Nice on My Feelings: Nurturing the Best in Children and Parents

Moira Harris is a graduate student in animal behavior at the University
of Saskatchewan.

Terry Orlick, a researcher in child development, parent, educator,
counselor, and mental-training consultant, would appear amply qualified
to write this well-intentioned guide to happiness, which includes tips,
anecdotes, exercises, and rationale concerning the nurturance of
self-esteem, co-operation, confidence, and empathy. At the outset,
Orlick suggests that parents’ first duty is to enhance their own life
satisfaction, since it is only after doing this that they can help
children to develop the best in themselves.

The book is often valid, worthy, and useful. And it is obvious that
Orlick passionately believes in his own ideas; in the preface, he states
that “[i]f we could implement and live the principles in this book on
a global level, there would be no physical or psychological abuse, no
need for wars.” However, this volume shares a failing common to many
“how-to” books: universality of needs and wants, and how to meet
them, is assumed without sufficient consideration of differences caused
by individual personalities, or alternative cultural perspectives. Many
of the ideas are stated in terms of prescription or proscription rather
than suggestion.

Orlick, apparently very happy and harmoniously balanced, also sets very
high (if not unreachable) standards for communication. At times, Nice on
my Feelings takes on the character of self-affirmation instead of
self-help. It overfocuses on the positive aspects and spends too little
time on the negative parts that also characterize every healthy human
relationship. Terry Orlick tries hard to nurture the best in his
readers, but may ultimately leave them feeling only inadequate.