Lesbian Parenting: Living with Pride and Prejudice

Sara Stratton teaches history at York University.

Given the May 1995 decision by the Ontario Court that lesbians be
allowed to adopt their partners’ biological children, this book is
both timely and already out of date. It is timely because
lesbian-parented families seem to be more common, and it is out of date
because several of the essays are dedicated to the legal limbo that
ensues when only one parent is so called by the state—a problem that,
in Ontario at least, no longer exists.

Arnup, a historian of motherhood, has collected 39 essays and grouped
them into sections titled “Choosing Parenthood,” “Defining
‘Family,’” “Raising Children,” “Reflections on Identity,”
and “Lesbian Parents and the Law.” Several of the pieces are
scholarly, but most are written purely from personal experience.

Arnup notes that she was overwhelmed by the number of essays submitted,
and the reader wonders whether she might not have found the selection
process difficult. That, along with the desire to present different
points of view, might explain the inclusion of several essays on one
topic, such as adoption or artificial insemination (adoption and AI are
the most common ways for two lesbians to have children, so they merit
attention). The reader expects to learn something new from each essay,
but is rewarded only with repetition. Other essays lack a clear point.
There are, however, some truly gripping stories about the definition of
family. Lesbian families outside Ontario still face legal struggles.
Step-parenting teenage children is fraught with problems: imagine the
difficulties when the step-parent is the mother’s new (and perhaps
first) lesbian partner. Finally, motherhood is a two-way street, and
Arnup recognizes this by giving voice to the children of lesbian
mothers.

Lesbian-parented families are clearly a part of the so-called
“redefinition” of family in the 1990s. Many people lament this, but
if they were to read Arnup’s book, they would see that lesbian
families are not so different from “traditional” families: they
struggle to raise happy, healthy children. Really, the only difference
is what others think of them.