The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander

Michael Ungar is an associate professor at the Maritime School of Social
Work, Dalhousie University, and a marriage and family therapist
specializing in work with high-risk youth. He is the author of Nurturing
Hidden Resilience in Troubled Youth.

Barbara Coloroso has had a tremendous influence on how parents parent
and teachers teach. Her influence continues with this book, though this
time her work breaks little new ground, except to present the ideas of
others who have had far less visibility. As always, Coloroso presents
her ideas in clear, concise language that will be appreciated by parents
(and professionals) who have little time to read. Coloroso’s point is
that bullies bully because of their contempt for their victims, for
authority, and even for themselves. These are individuals who feel
entitled, who have lost a sense of respect for others.

The book begins with the harsh realities of the problems bullying
causes, then looks at the triumvirate of players—the bully, the
bullied, and the bystander, who all co-operate to keep the cycle of
violence going. She describes this pattern of interaction as being like
a play with three actors on stage who each perform a role in keeping the
story going. Coloroso tells us that when we prevent one person from
playing his or her part, the whole production is more likely to end.

Coloroso’s book makes an easy, intelligent read. Her contempt thesis
is easy to see for anyone who has known a bully, child or adult. She
looks broadly at what leads bullies to hold contempt for their victims,
from poor parenting to racism, homophobia, and sexism. She also explores
solutions, charting the now-familiar territory of whole-school
approaches to the problem. These links are made without the jargon
usually associated with discussions of oppression and prevention. Though
this approach makes the book accessible, there is little scholarship.

It would be good to know that there is an alternative to Coloroso, but
unfortunately her market share is such that few others could come close
to the reach she has. Thankfully, this is a good book. Those interested
in a more-detailed and well-documented understanding of this problem,
however, may want to look elsewhere in the literature as well.